I was recently introduced to this phrase (emotional constipation) through the new tv show entitled, “Chuck.” While I’ve found “Chuck” quite entertaining (how could I not? It’s a show based on the Geek Squad at Best Buy!) , this phrase actually connects to a couple of the sessions at the Rethink Conference – particularly by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
Cloud spoke on true integrity, the theme of one of his more recent books, Integrity. He was challenging the audience to “rethink” what integrity really means. The most common definition you hear in Christian circles of integrity or character is that it “is what you do or who you are when nobody is watching.” I think any definition of integrity or character should include this, but is this enough to be a person or leader of “integrity?” Cloud says no.He posed a penetrating question for us to consider. He asked if we have ever experienced a leader who wouldn’t cheat, lie, steal, or do anything blatantly wrong and always tried to do the right thing, but when asked if we would choose to serve under that leader for another five years, we would say, “No Way!” He says this gets to the core of integrity in leadership and this is where I see “emotional constipation” fitting in.Cloud emphasizes that integrity involves wholeness (see origin of the word integrity from the word integer, one…). Logically then, integrity in leadership involves wholeness in one’s leadership and leadership relationships, and that involves emotional connection and emotional maturity that can foster trust, intimacy, and an overall experience of meaning within the team, community, or organization.More and more people are recognizing that today, more than ever, there is a need for leaders to be meaning makers or at least “facilitators” in their various communities. This doesn’t mean they create their own truths, but that they create environments in which the human experience, the human story is allowed to flourish and find true expression in connecting relationships. The reality is that most leaders today I believe struggle miserably in creating the kind of empowered and meaningful environments that motivate others towards greater accomplishments AS WELL as tap into the human soul in the way that would motivate a volunteer or other free-will employee to re-up for another five years.All this points to the reality that the “bottom line” just isn’t enough. People want to get after the mission, the objectives, the goals, but if the journey isn’t meaningful and in the context of connected relationships, they’ll leave when the opportunity presents itself and look for a more meaningful opportunity. Leaders who can create these meaningful cultures can only do so if they have the kind of integrity of person and soul that Cloud talks about. You can’t impart what you are unable to experience or participate in. Emotionally constipated leaders have no choice but to over-focus on task, but there’s so much more!One question that I think is worthy of consideration in light of this discussion is, “What qualifies as a connected relationship?” Everybody would say connected relationships are important, but not all people that see these relationships as important are able to actually have those kind of relationships. Even more frightening is that some believe they have connected relationships, but in reality they have just found others who are just as deluded as they are. I see these as anti-communities, emotionally constipated communities. Christians have long been divided in some key areas on how spiritual maturity is achieved, yet one thing is very, very true – we need to take our call to become whole people very seriously.
