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The Happy Button

by Beav on July 8, 2008

As I alluded to in my last post, I spoke at a recent short-term missions debriefing conference and I provided some thoughts and training on how to finish out their experience well for the sake of their collective team experience as well as for the next steps in their individual journeys.

I couldn’t help but utilize a couple illustrations from Horton Hears a Who because believe it or not – I’m still thinking about that movie two weeks later. It was that good in my mind!

My favorite scene in the movie is when the Mayor of Whoville comes before the city council and assumes the prophetic role of speaking the truth of reality to those in power. As soon as the shockingly negative words come out of the lips of the mayor about how there is an impending danger to this seemingly perfectly positive society, the council presses a big button with a happy face on it and a bit dome of silence comes down on the mayor and the city council protecting the masses from unneeded information. The masses let out a collective sigh when they are spared from having to absorb this new reality. The mayor then gets thrown under the bus by the city council and is shamed and pressured for the sake of conformity.

What an awesome illustration of that great temptation we all face at times to press the “happy button” whenever we are afraid to face a new reality that includes a measure of negativity. As individuals, we often choose to “medicate” and numb the pain some how. This scene in Horton shows how society or group systems “medicate” to protect themselves and preserve their own illusion of reality. Many systems seek directly or indirectly to stifle that prophetic voice or representative of the larger reality because their world feels safe to them as it is. The only problem is that such an orientation blocks us and our communities or families off from larger truths.

Short-term mission teams and pretty much all teams can face the tendency to hit the happy button on their return to the U.S. or their normal environment. Instead of doing the hard work of fostering gracious and honest environments for the sake of learning and reflection, “nice” takes over because people want to ensure a “positive experience” for them at the end.

Being nice is great, but sometimes being “nice” is just shallow and self-focused…Did I say that?

What I advocated to these teams was that they enjoy their teams, their collective experience, and relationships to the full. I encouraged them to be happy and pursue happiness……but happiness with integrity! Happiness with one or two feet in the pools of denial and insecurity is a far cry from the joy that authentic and intimate fellowship offers.

So let’s all be happy people (Shiny Happy People anyone?), but let’s avoid that happy button and embrace a happiness that is infused with integrity and truth. For I think then the final product would not be happiness, but an even greater joy!

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  • B

    Great post. It reminds me of a scene from the Truman show, where Truman is starting to grow suspicious of his environment. An interviewer questions the producer of “The Truman Show”, regarding why it has taken Truman so long to read the signs and pay attention to the things in his world that don’t seem to “fit”. The producer responds that it’s because, “Most of us fail to question the reality of the world in which we live.”

  • Brian B

    BV you’re a great spokesperson for the movie. I’m going to see it as soon as I leave the Mothership.

    I’ve noticed that The Happy Button gets pressed internally before it comes out externally. When I’ve been in situations like the ones you’re describing, it seems like some people are too far gone on happy to be brought back to reality.

    Any insights on this dynamic and how to lead through it?

  • Beav

    b. owen – good thought. hadn’t thought of that movie, but that’s another great illustration. We often don’t want to pay attention to the signs on both conscious and unconscious levels because of the potential pain and/or change that could be on the horizon

  • Beav

    B.Barela – The people you are mentioning are the hardest people for me to relate to in some ways. The built in denial function is so strong that it’s hard for me to trust that authentic and honest bonds are forming.

    I think if one is under a boss like that, then he/she needs to pick spots wisely and understand the cost of being an agent of honesty (prophet).

    When we lead people like this, it’s a bit easier, but still tough. Empowering and developing such people toward maturity in a community context is really tough because our orientation towards reality is a huge component of our overall maturity and capacity to be other-focused and love well. This is part of what I covered in the paper on emotional maturity and differentiation that I linked to on the blog. I still believe that the most important thing in leading these people (who are anxious by definition – even if they don’t know it) is to focus on growing our own security in a greater reality and expand our capacity to be a non-anxious and authentic presence.

    How do we lead the shiny happy people? I need to think more – in general I scare shiny happy people away so I don’t often need to worry about it :)

    How many shiny happy people would have hung out with Jesus do you think? In thinking about it, I wonder if the rich young ruler was one such person and Jesus fully burst his bubble, rained on his parade, pee’d in his pool (choose your own analogy).

    What do you think we should lead in light of the presence of the SHP as I may start calling them.

  • Brian B

    The last few days the Lord has been cluing me in on how my body signals stress/anxiety/fear/etc about a day and a half (I’m serious, I’ve started paying attention) before I consciously acknowledge it. It’s humbling because I believe I’m above-average in terms of self-awareness, which leads me to the train of thought–if someone like me, who has done significant work in counseling and deeply values such things takes that long, how the heck long does it take people who have low capacity in this area (like many staff–just keeping it real here)?

    Seth Godin coined the idea of ‘The Drip.’ He basically says a whole bunch of singles and doubles are better than one or two homeruns.

    I wonder if leading SHP in this area is like the Drip idea. You need to continue to drip prophetic realities until the ‘get it.’ This idea is definitely limited–especially in the area of conflict. But from experience I would say that 3-5 conflict resolution sessions are exponentially better than 1 major one, followed up with 1 debrief.

    That’s the best I can do at this point. Going to try to spread the SHP from now on.

  • Beav

    i like it – although constantly “dripping” on people isn’t a very cherry image :) That’s kind of what I wrote about picking our spots and focusing on our own capacity and maturity. We need to be able to stay focused on what’s important without getting sucked into people’s myopia and dysfunction. At the same time we need to challenge people and continually “cast vision” for a bit more of a holistic reality. We need to take advantage of those critical moments where we have the opportunity to reframe reality for people in a way that is theologically, emotionally, and even epistemologically accurate. Another function of the leader as spokesperson instead of passing around the dixie cups of kool-aid.

  • Brian B

    I can’t help but thinking about our international summer projects, and even our stateside ones for that matter.

    What if instead of debriefing being the Main Place (hear ‘home run’), the entire project contains little places (hear ‘a bunch of singles’) where we could”reframe reality for people in a way that is theologically, emotionally, and even epistemologically accurate”

    Perhaps then the content and process time during debriefing would be even more effective, and that we wouldn’t be speaking to emotional corpses who have already peaced out of reality.

    Swain is our Prof. for God, Bible, HS. Really like him as a person, but he’s definitely struggled to unite his thoughts with the class. Overall the whole thing was great.

    Keep on that Greek. You’ll be amazed at what you’ll retain down the road.

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