Yesterday I had my dental cleaning appointment. It was perhaps the oddest dental cleaning I’ve ever had and I left feeling like I was in the Twilight Zone.

I had a new woman assigned to me this round and it started off fairly uneventful. I got in the chair and almost passed out I was so comfortably. There was about 7-8 minutes of silence and then she started telling me jokes along the lines of the “two men walk into a bar” variety.

At first all the punchlines involved teeth. I then recognized a difficult dynamic. I wasn’t laughing very much and it seemed to make her want to try harder. The problem was that I find it hard to laugh at anything when someones hands are in my mouth with sharp instruments. It was a vicious cycle.

I thought it would be ok, but things spiraled. I knew we were heading down the wrong path when one of the jokes involved “a girl with an ipod on a bus who lifted her cheek and ripped one.” Then there was one about “two blind guys at a brothel.” And then there was one about somebody “wiping” which was rather uncomfortable followed by another one that involved little red riding hood going “#2.”

Her hands were in my mouth the whole time. I was held hostage. She then told me what I needed to do with my teeth and then I left. I drove home the whole way confused as to what just happened.

It may be time for a change…

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