So last weekend Christine and I got to go see a movie, a Valentine’s Day treat and a rare occasion. Christine wanted to see The International. I looked at saw it was an action, suspense deal and when Christine’s asking to go to a “dude” movie, I’m not usually going to turn that down. It was all right, but you can save your money for the rentals unless you like really long Euro Suspense movies. That wasn’t the real memorable component to the experience, I’ll break it down.

We get in our seats and are all set up, it’s the back row. There’s 3 seats to my left and about 7 seats Christine’s right that are open and available. The movie is just starting and this dude starts making his way down the row. He bypasses two open seats and sits in the one right next to me. I wonder if it was closer to “center” but this is like the equivalent to me to being in a restroom with one other dude and there’s like 6 urinals, but he chooses to roll up right directly next to the one you are using. It’s awkward, uncomfortable, and totally unneccessary.

As if that’s not enough, he then breaks out of a backpack a 2-item combo from Panda express with some chop sticks and starts going to work. I’ve heard of sneaking in some candy, maybe a hot dog or something, but bringing in large to go boxes of chinese food totally crossed a line for me. Don’t judge me for this, but in that moment I asked Christine to move down a seat and so we shifted away. The smell of the food was still so strong and I’m not used to Chinese food and movie theater smell going together and I couldn’t deal. I finally stood up and switched to the other side of Christine and got at least 5-6 seats of space away. I recognize that in some cultures this might rude or offensive behavior (referring to me just obviously fleeing my seat), but I hold that my hand was forced.

Who brings in that much food to a theater and what dude sits immediately next to another dude that you don’t know when there is an open seat so there can be a buffer? Now I know there is one such man out there.

This was almost as uncomfortable of a movie experience as when I went to see Titanic with my sister Carrie back in the day and it was a crowded theater and I was on the aisle and my sister asked me to squeeze in with her a seat so that if a person was struggling to find a seat, they could easily find it. That person ended up being a very, very large man with a food tray that included 3 hot dogs and a large bag of popcorn. Never again.

Or maybe I should just give up and embrace this new form of forced anonymous intimacy that is only to be found in a movie theater.