Not too long ago me and the family were out for a mellow lunch at a fast food place on a weekend. We had just ordered our food and were waiting when we were approached by what appeared to be a homeless woman. She was a little heavy-set, had a walker of sorts, and was in her late 40′s or early 50′s. She asked for some money because she was hungry so we offered to buy her lunch. Because of my dysfunctional affection for working in fast food restaurants as opposed to coffee shops I have this experience pretty frequently. But this would turn out to be a very different encounter.
The first thing that took me off guard was after I helped her sit at a table, she took off her hair. She had a very elaborate weave with extensions and then all of a sudden it was sitting in its own chair.
A few minutes later, while Christine was taking Morgan to the restroom, this woman called to me from a few tables away and said, “Hey man, how about a refill?”in a fairly blunt delivery. I was a little bit taken back, but I was containing Colin in a high-chair without a belt. I explained I couldn’t leave him so she said, “That’s cool.” Then she got up from her chair and walked effortlessly over to the refill station and hooked herself up.
A few minutes later, while Christine was taking Morgan to the restroom for the second time (Morgan always asks to be taken to the restroom twice when we’re out), the main event took place. The woman was getting ready to leave when my Good Samaritan paradigm came crashing down.
She got up and got herself another refill. She came back to her table, which was about 7 feet from me and Colin, and then put her hair back on. Then she started fidgeting with her sweatpants facing the other direction and then before I knew it those sweatpants were down around her knees and there was no backup support. She was going Commando. Colin and I were face to face with the large and very bare rear end of this homeless woman.
I chose the title “No Good Deed Goes Unpunished” because that was my initial feeling. You never make a choice to buy lunch for someone without means and expect to get mooned. I don’t by any means want to make light of this woman’s situation. I just felt it time that I shared this bizarre experience. It’s just not something you see everyday. At least one would hope not.
If there is something to consider on a serious note – it’s that we can (& should) make choices to do good and serve others, but we just don’t have a lot of control over how things play out. You might end up with a real warm fuzzy feeling. Or you just might feel violated by a homeless woman with fake hair who drops trow while going commando.
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