As I mentioned last post I’m sharing a few thoughts of how I can come alongside my wife right now in what God is doing in her life.  I shared last time about being all in. Today I’m going to highlight a particular way of being all in and that relates to coming alongside my wife in her giftings.  I’ve done some things well and some not as well.  But this captures some of how I think about this.The person who is primarily responsible for developing my wife’s giftings is of course my wife herself.  However, given some of the social structures of our society, the dynamics of motherhood and having kids, and some other issues, the average mom is still probably up against it when in comes to developing their giftings while they are in the mom with young kid phase.    I’m not going to get into all of the issues, though the aforementioned dynamics are worthy topics themselves.  I’m continuing to focus on my specific context.  As you read, remember I don’t pretend to believe or claim that all people’s situations resemble mine.    But I’ve come across enough couples to know that there’s a fair share of couples that have or are experiencing pretty much the same dynamics as what Christine and I face.With my wife has two primary contexts in which gifting can be developed.  The first is her work or professional ministry setting and the second is her dominant relational network or context (church/preschool moms/neighborhood relationships).  Christine’s got some amazing talents and gifts.  Most notably is her ability to make people feel safe and comfortable.  She could make a fire hydrant feel safe and connected.  That might be a good metaphor for our relationship actually.  She is very discerning and sees underlying motives very accurately and quickly.  I also believe she has spiritual gifts in evangelism and talents in public speaking as well.Some of the above things came naturally to her such as her social gifts.  Some I’ve seen develop significantly over the course of our marriage (her discernment and wisdom) as she’s grown in confidence and matured in who God has made her.  The raw materials of her gifting were there, but maturity and confidence have made them great strengths in relationships and ministry.  Some gifts and talents have not been as evident of late as they were early on in our marriage for either lack of opportunity due to motherhood or other reasons.As I said, fundamentally all of us are responsible for our own development.  One of my favorite pieces of ministry advice over the years was hearing from a couple different sources that  “No one else out there is having secret meetings to discuss and plan out your development.”  Sometimes we wait to act thinking someone else is going to solve our problems or help us grow into who we can be.  We need to own our own development and wives do too.  So it’s Christine’s job to own her own development, but if I want her to be more and more of who she was created to be and if I want our marriage to continue to develop and thrive then I should want to help or come alongside that development in any way I can.Sometimes when a mom is removed from a structured environment, it requires a fairly determined and proactive approach to not lose sight of the opportunities they might have.   It might not look the way it did during a job or in a consistent ministry opportunity, but the moms who I’ve seen do a good job developing themselves through this season are the ones who have been able to expand their paradigm of ministry and serving or how they can bring who they are to make a contribution to their communities or to a greater purpose.   These are the ones owning their development rather than giving into the pressures of the life stage and passively allowing their life stage to stunt their development.So, not only do spouses need to be “all-in” in terms of their investment in one another’s growth and development, but they also would do well to both encourage their spouses’s to own their own development of their giftings, talents, and strengths.  As a husband, it wouldn’t serve Christine in the long run if I overstepped and tried to orchestrate her development for her in this life stage.  However, I can keep encouraging her towards this end with both grace and truth when needed and I can make choices with my time and responsibilities to help create the room for her to do things out of her gifts that she currently does not have the opportunity to do.My original post on this topic with three times as long, but I’m breaking them up into more focused sections as this is long enough for one post.  Congrats to you if you read the whole thing!What other dynamics are important when considering how to help a wife/mom in this type of context develop in their giftings so that they don’t end up a 40 year old woman with a 25 year old’s developmental level?

Tagged as: Empowerment, family, Women