Here’s another stream of thought related to my last couple of posts on being all-in with my wife in terms of her development.There have been no shortage of times where Christine has looked at what she did on any given day as a mom with small kids (i.e. puppet shows) and wonder what the heck she is doing. Having periodic opportunities and space to use her gifts infuses her with two things that every mom needs and every person needs: HOPE and MEANING. As Christine gets opportunities to use her gifts, she grows in her connectedness to what God is doing in her and to what God is doing in the world.There are times where all of us run into limitations in terms of what we can do and what we have to offer. Moms have a pretty extended season of limitations. If they are the primary caregivers of the kids, they just can’t do all of what they would like to do.When I think of the “mom with infant” season, I just don’t think there’s a whole lot of gift-based development or professional development even possible for a while. But that season doesn’t always need to be as long as some might feel. As the freedom increases as the kids get a little more autonomous (not needed constant supervision and care), the windows get progressively larger to step into various opportunities to either make a contribution to something greater or to sharpen or hone one’s gifting and natural skills. Often, these two can go together.There’s a lot of things I can do to be encouraging. There’s one thing I cannot afford to do. I cannot ignore my wife’s gifting. I cannot chalk this season up as a wash for my wife in terms of her development. The question for us husbands is where do we want our wives to be when the kids are grown and gone? Do we want the development of their giftings to have been somewhat frozen in time around the point where most have their first kid (twenties and early thirties)?There are seasons of motherhood from my vantage point that are seasons where mothers and the men that go with them need to be content with the reality that the natural limitations prevent significant development and/or contribution. BUT – motherhood as a whole is not that kind of a season. The windows are there, the opportunities are there if there is a mutual ownership to create space for them and to continually prioritize it. These opportunities may not be daily or even weekly, but some consistent opportunities to contribute and develop facilitate a greater sense of purpose and hope as well as the sharpening of many God-given gifts and talents that can make a difference in the marriage, in the church, in the community, and even larger scopes.Typically, the opportunities don’t tend to come though unless the mom is owning her development and the husband is making choices to create the space. As husbands, we can be all about being “all-in” but we’re exposed for how committed we really are when it comes down to us sacrificing some of our own “stuff” for the sake of our wives. As a husband of a mom with little kids, I think this is where I see that there are times where I must decrease so that my wife can increase (to use John the Baptist’s language).For any husbands out there – do you find this easy or fairly difficult to do in the course of your rhythm of life and work? Are you able to create space for your wife to continue to emerge and develop despite the ongoing reality of motherhood?**Obviously some of this changes for mom’s who are working part-time or full-time, but the spirit of the relationship and the attitudes of a couple towards this issue are still needed for a sense of mutual investment as opposed to the mom and dad having “separate worlds.”
