Over the last few weeks, I read “Shaping Your Family Story” by David Welday III and Dr. James Coffield. My wife and I wanted to read this book after getting acquainted with Dr. Coffield this summer at a training we attended. He presented on some of the principles that are in this book and overall we really benefitted from our exposure to him. So we wanted to read the book.
Here is the main framework that makes this book unique compared to some other family leadership books out there. They offer 6 principles for shaping a good family story (chapter 2) (18-23)
They offer 6 principles for shaping a good family story (pp. 18-23)
- Create High Emotional Warmth
- Have Low and Productive Conflict
- Have High Fun
- Have High Purpose or Theme
- Answer the Right Question (i.e. “Am I loved?”)
- Parent Consistently
This summer Dr. Coffield primarily used the 1st four as an assessment of sorts for really any kind of relationship or community-based situation: marriage, family, and even teams and larger communities. And that’s the biggest thing that has stuck with us – evaluating our relationships and community commitments through the lens of those 4 categories. From a parent standpoint, 5 & 6 are great and important as well and I think they also apply to leadership as well.
From a parent standpoint, 5 & 6 are great and important as well and I think they also apply to leadership as well. So I believe all 6 categories are a good diagnostic for any relationship or community, but the 1st four provide for a very easy assessment.
Is there high warmth?
Is there low/productive conflict?
Is there high fun?
Is there high purpose?
I think most of us have experienced environments that have been heavy on 1 or 2 of these or where 1 or 2 was completely lacking. I find that these have really helped me develop some simple and practical solutions and next steps whether it relates to marriage, family, or team leadership.
What do you think? Do you think these questions cover the essence of what contributes to a safe and healthy relational environment?
This is not the first go to marriage or family book I would recommend, but I enjoyed it and there was a lot of great insights and nuggets in there – particularly on discipline and the importance of consistency (#6 above). It was a simple and practical book so it’s very accessible.